Sunday, December 13, 2020

A share What a Year My Journey and evolution in 2020


i paid to do a writing course in the beginning of the year which was only to start in April.

How do I write with this crisis and pandemic going on ?
I have no interest in anything at the moment ?

Specially when writing in itself is a challenge for me to do in the first place ?
To pin myself down and for my fingers to move across the keyboard and for the words to appear upon the screen in front of me.
Now this on top of all this as well.
Fuck it just fuck it.

Eyes gaze outside the grass needs to be cut the hedges and bushes require trimming 21 days to form a habit.
A new way of doing housework in the 20th century sterilizing the baby Buddha a spray bottle in my hand each morning
everything gets sprayed down knobs to surfaces to plugs to lights switches to floors to loo a two hour chore using jik/ bleach.
There a critter in the sky what ever you want to call it that turned my life upside down in a blink of an eye.

I’m glued to the news and media something I hardly paid attention to in the passed.
Having thoughts of oh my god I’m going to die there is an invisible germ that I cannot see.

How do I ground and centre myself in this experience?


I’m experiencing fear and anxiety in my sacral chakra stomach and then nausea at other times just tears in my eyes
at another times burst into tears which moves from base to heart chakra.
None of this is adding up search the internet to find some form of understanding to centre myself again..

There’s none.

This is all up to me I’m my own teacher .

It feels like i’ve stepped into some form of of sci -fi movie of sorts everyday feels like a Sunday and there this pause this silence all around me.
Days look so beautiful the sky so blue yet there something deadly in the air
Media creating fear anxiety and uncertainly inside of me again acknowledge the feeling inside my body of thank you body I get it and ground myself back into my root chakra and feet and off I go to cut the hedges mown the lawn taking in some rays in the process.
Yoga practice will have to be done later still walking circles around the writing, ill get there always do just doing the same old dance before I get there.

Hedges, tree, bushes get cut with the slasher it takes my mind of what going on around me and in the world at large all the people dying .
Days fly by very fast I’m in a blur of no thought process just observation mode to what going on all around me.
I’ve given up smoking I can no longer have the excuse of smoking is a coping mechanism as I’ve given up smoking in one of the most stress period of the 20 first century history.

Why am I watching the media when it does this to my energy system and makes me feel this way.
Surely I need my fucking head read or something to be fixated on all this at the moment and then all the conspiracy theory out there specially David Icke.
It feels like my energy been pulled and tugged in all different directions and fragmented and what am I feeding
my physical body with all these words that my eyes and mind is seeing and my body and emotions are re acting too.

How do I find my feet in this pandemic and drama ? How do I find my way back home to myself soul and source ?

How do I take back my own power again ?

Is this some huge practical theory lesson of note Divine ?wtf
We all being waiting as a semi conscious collective for this system to come to an end regarding lower vibration but like this ?

What’s been attacked is my root chakras ?
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As a collective Our physical bodies ?
Our place of safe and security gone in the world our physical bodies that we live in aren’t safe either. Our safety and security at root chakra gone ?

What’s the shadow aspect/ collective unconsciousness at the root chakra level ?
Fear, manipulation and control,

First Fear.. Fear of death.

Its the work i’ve done already I know im immortal its one thing to know as a semi awake human being its another to experience with an invisible critter around and a huge practical physical experience as a collective,conscious and a collective unconscious at root chakra level

One thing I know for sure is that I have to ground myself back into my physical body daily.

With the loss of my mother last year same time lines I was out of my physical body and felt that I wasn’t completed grounded my feet didn’t feel solid or firm on the ground it felt like one was floating that one wasnt connection to the earth and my life-guide intervened saying ground yourself to your physical body get fully presence.

So this time I knew that it was about grounding my light body/ soul / energy body to the physical plane which I did.

Except I was still feeling out of sorts mental wanting to make sense of everything.

From root to heart to throat chakra the same forms of attack implying to the emotions / feeling i am feeling inside my body
and which parts of my body im feeling these emotions in. .

root chakra fight or flight and flight weakens the immune system.

Yoga and meditations is all about breath work and connection with source and self the opening and expanding of the heart chakra the flow of oxygen through the whole physical body.

Im aware that our collective unconscious brother and sister don’t breath properly in the first place and my breath is actually my life force energy
that gives my body life.
Also perhaps it might be my beloved earth mother mother of all mothers going you fuckers I cant breath you suffocating me with the way
you lived upon my surface and expelled this germ virus critter from the lab in some form of purging way..

Oh well just know I got to get a grip on all this as i’ve been taken complete out of my comfort zone by this .

Enough thinking now, waking up the next morning with the thought process in my head of don’t lean on your own understanding.

Its about faith ,trust acceptance and surrender and that also about mental emotional surrender with the thought process of

Yoga changed to 12 pm every day noticing that the media starting to inflate things it becoming aware that one sentenced as a headline thinking
it something new to readb by click on link its the same article with the same info over again.

Same words over and over again health care system not ready for this, not enough ventilator no vaccine. Ok so no medicine for this !

Im sucking hard boil sweets like no tomorrow each day its a packet of sweets by the three day I realise my inner child is terrified and
that we going to die is my inner child letting me know that she fearful of this whole experience and I let her know that I will keep her safe and
protect her through this scary time and that I’m here for her.

I’ve learnt monkey mind can drive you crazy and your imagination starts to run away with you conjuring up the most
craziest of thoughts and images and realise that I have only the now and
that where my power lies in the now of where I am moment by moment.

Making a conscious choice as to where I choose to invest my energy daily using discernment regarding what news is real and what new is fake what’s been blown out of proportions and all the trigger words used to create panic fear and drama in the pandemic and containing my energy..

By calling my energy back from all the places I fragmented it from and staying in the now.
As when I’m in the now I’ve won and i’ve found my way back home as a semi awake human being.
That’s awake in this experience and can help my brothers and sisters find their way home energetically by sending
them love light and healing into the earth with my yoga practices and prayer.

To where ever it is need as a light workers and starseed to hold the light energetically in these times of chaos
as the phoenix rises from the ashes once more and not to allow fear to take the joy
out of life and my human experiences.